Everyone has a story and it is pretty much based on what you said Yes to and what you said No to.Your Yeses and Noes are what boundaries are made of.
So, what are boundaries? How do you deal when boundaries are defied?
Boundaries are the limits you set with yourselves around what you will or will or tolerate.
For that you need to know what is okay and what is not okay. Most of you have never even thought of where your boundaries are because you have not clearly defined boundaries for yourself and others around you and people cross those lines all the time, resulting in you being hurt.
Some people tend to over commit and over please others.Being a people’s pleaser at the time can be exhausting and it is important to set healthy boundaries.
For those of you who have identified in our lives as people pleasers or peacekeepers or those of you who haven’t wanted to rock the boat, afraid of conflict. There is a lot of energy that goes into managing the perceptions of people. Quite often we see that people try to fit in to associate themselves in a group or make themselves come to terms with others to please or validate them. Uphold your individuality rather than just trying to ‘ Fit in’ by not laying boundaries strongly for yourself.
“Your boundaries are a reflection of how willing you are to advocate for the life you want” -Nedra Glover Tawwab
The following can be the ways to strengthen your boundaries:
1. Self- Awareness: You need to know yourself , you need to know how you feel about things. In any situation you must ask yourself “ What’s my preference? What’s my desire?” You need to know where your boundaries are. People who are not self-aware don’t know what their needs are and because of that, other people are going to step all over them.
2. Communicate Directly, Honestly and Kindly : Express your desires and express those boundaries. So, that other people know where you stand and where your lines are. You must communicate your boundary in a more firm and direct manner. Express your honest thoughts and feelings clearly. Even if that is uncomfortable, you are scared that the other person may get upset or even if it offends someone.
3. Stop fixing for other people’s feelings: If your are empath you may predict what the other person feels. You don’t have to hold yourself so that others don’t feel hurt and not be Unless you protect yourself, you will not be able to do it for others. It no way means that you center yourself at every instance or your actions or words should inconsiderate. It simply means that you do not drain your energy and let your sanctity in fixing things for others.
4. Stop trying to force peace: In the attempt to keep peace we manipulate to keep seem and at peace at the cost of losing your authenticity and your well being. Things turn alright with time. You always make an effort or to force harmony and peace. You may not always be liked by everybody and you have to be okay with that.
5. Say no to what doesn’t serve you: You have to learn to say no. Say that with grace or gratitude. It is okay if you say no. Eventually that will build a happier space around you and you will choose to say yes to what you truly want.
Affirmations for setting boundaries:
- I am the gatekeeper of my own space
- I can say no
- Others may be disappointed. I will not disappoint myself
- I will give myself permission to set boundaries
Setting Boundaries may not always look like bluntly saying “no” .It may simply mean removing yourself from certain conversations, staying around family for a set time limit or setting realistic expectations about what people can do.
Examples of Setting Boundaries:
- I’m not comfortable with this conversation/Situation/Physical Contact.
- I can’t do that for you.
- This is not acceptable
- Please ask me before doing that next time
- I can’t talk right now. But I can make time tomorrow at ______ to discuss this.
- Please don’t do that.
- Please stop doing that.
